This one is for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
sarannadewylde, who gets mucho kudos for coming in as a finalist in Dorchester's Next Best Celler contest. The ass thugs are pleased:
sarannadewylde, who gets mucho kudos for coming in as a finalist in Dorchester's Next Best Celler contest. The ass thugs are pleased: She flipped onto one side and draped her arm over his stomach. "Why don't you complain about how hard my bed is, again? Or perhaps you'd like to go back into the kitchen and point out the sound my fridge is making. I’ll give you some paper and you can make one of your lists."
"I've got a list for you and everything on it involves my ass and your lips."
For today, Ravenous Romance is offering Bites of Passion: An Anthology of Vampire Erotica for 1/2 off. Featuring my short story "What Wind is to Fire".
Excerpt:
“Do you love me?” He rolled with her until he was tangled up in her limbs. “You always say it when you’re coming. You never said it this time.”
She felt his teeth at her neck again and cupped the back of his head when he hesitated. “You know I do, Dominic. My Dominic.”
This time, as he fed on her, she cradled him against her, one hand pressing urgently at the back of his head while the other stroked up and down his spine. As it had before, the world around her changed. She was flying and falling at the same time, moaning softly as his tongue lapped the life that spilled.
Ah, the sweet nothings. They melt the heart.
Kate rubbed her temples. “When all this is over you owe your entire staff a big bonus for having to listen to this all day. I personally deserve something special for sitting down there for four hours with my finger jammed in my ear.”
“It’ll be worth it. The place is going to look great and you’re going to get rich on tips.”
“Uh huh.” She placed a polished fingernail at the corner of her eye. “This is the eyeball that has been twitching for three weeks. Behind this eyeball is a tumour that gets a little bigger every day. When it finally pushes my eyeball out of my head I hope you’re there and you get my brain juice all over you.”
Normally I like my monsters & paranormals with a bit o' snark, but with Halloween a few days away I thought I'd look through my bookcase and come try to pick out some stuff that really gave me the heebie-jeebies.
Spoilers abound, folks.
The Phantom of the Opera - Gaston Leroux
So Phantom isn’t exactly a scary book and as far as “monsters” go, he’s not much of a monster at all. He’s just some deranged guy with no face who runs around the underbelly of the Paris opera house. He spends the entire book trying to get laid and destroying anyone who stands in his way. He's more like Christian Troy after the Carver cut up his face (and like Troy, proposed marriage to the dumbest blonde he could find.)
Eat me, bitch.
Make it worse for yourself by reading Susan Kay’s prequel – the part of the book dealing with Erik’s childhood alone will win you over. However, Phantom does have one scene that rattled me a little. Erik now has Christine in his hideaway underneath the opera house and he’s trying to convince her that living with him isn’t that bad by demonstrating how his fake face works. He’s made himself a face. A fake face. He plans to wear it while he woos her. Good God, that’s terrifying.
The world has now been overrun by zombies. Sucks to be you. It especially sucks to be you if the army gets its hands on you. In one scene that was so horrifying I had to put the book away for a few days they take this poor mentally-challenged kid and dangle him from a helicopter over a horde of hungry zombies as they try to get their other captives to cooperate. This is just the first of many horrifying things what’s left of the military does to survivors of a zombie attack.
Next, After Lucifer / Daniel Rhodes
A writer and his wife retreat to a lovely villa to unwind and as expected Really Bad Shit happens. However, they were given some warning. At night, before the ghost of a knight and his demon familiar (in the form of a creepy little monk) arrive a low, eerie whistling can be heard from the forest. Even in daylight this gave me the heebie jeebies.
That's right, Emo Boy. She's saving all the love for me.
Black Magic: The Nun / Marjorie Bowen
Available for free from Horror Masters, I urge you to download this immediately. There’s so much good stuff here but to sum it up it’s a homoerotic tale of Satan worship. Early in the book our two heroes attempt to use Black Magic and are so successful one of them almost pisses his pants. Remember that scene from Poltergeist II when Craig T. Nelson pukes up that slithery monster? You get the picture.
The Monk / Matthew Gregory Lewis
Normally The Monk would fall under the OMG-Sexing-Monks!!!! category and start me off foaming at the mouth, but in this case there is something creepy I’d like to mention: at one point in this story a pair of heroes have gone to uncover the cruelty and corruption in the abbey and they find it in the form of an emaciated nun and her dead baby. The poor woman was put down there to give birth and then starve to death. Even the evil abbess who put her down there didn’t know the poor girl was still alive.
Ahem ... any time now.
Remember that Ninja cat video? Imagine that instead of a cat it’s a grubby old homeless guy, and whenever he disappears from your sight he comes back a little different until you realize you have a werewolf coming towards you. A real werewolf, not the sexy Hugh-Jackman-in-Van-Helsing kind. This may not be the most disturbing scene in Ravenous but it’s the one was scared the living hell out of me.
You can’t go wrong with ghost sex. Unless halfway through the ghost sex you open your eyes and realize you’re getting freaky with a rotting, maggoty corpse. Ew.
Aaaah, I see what you're doing. You're saving the best for last, aren't you? You little minx.
The Haunting of Hill House / Shirley Jackson
I first saw this movie when I was about ten years old and the scene in question scared the shit out of me. Even the crappy film version with Catherine Zeta-Jones got this one right. Eleanor & Theo are locked in Theo’s bedroom while outside a ghost is trying to get in. After thumping and banging the ghost of Hill House tries a different tactic -- the word Jackson uses to describe this is “wheedling,” like it’s running its fingers along the edge of the door looking for a way in. I still freak out a little when I watch the old black & white version of this scene.
This is a big reveal of the book, so unless you want to be spoiled you’d best stop reading right here. The sickest and most terrifying scene in this is the making of a snuff film – an evil doctor drugs his physically disabled patients and then lets one of his mutant creations rape them. It’s stomach-churning: he even has the women dressed up in trashy lingerie.
WHAT?!?!? I didn’t even get a mention?!?! I’m the freaking fanged granddaddy! Did you not read Dracula?!?! Did you not hear about what I did to Mrs. Harker?!? There wouldn’t even be an Eric Northman or a Damon Salvatore if it wasn’t for me!!! I have smouldering eyes, pouty lips, and look at my fabulous hair!!! I’m DREAMY and I don’t have to sparkle to achieve that!!! You know what? Screw you. Screw you all! Good luck finding someone else to be your bitch!
...
Well hello there ...
Writer brain has completely taken over for the remainder of ‘09. It ate Reader brain and spit it out, leaving me with a TBR pile that was growing and growing until I put a cap on it. Seriously, I’ve been reading Lexi Ryan’s Stilettos, Inc. since June. I made the mistake of reading it while waiting for the ferry to the Island. All that sun & salt air set a mood I haven’t been able to recapture. That hasn’t stopped me from torturing her to death about a book featuring my favourite character so far. She’s promised Superhero invisi-sex in the sequel she’s working on, which makes Lexi my new best friend. Heh.
So what has been the reward for my insanity?
The Company of Fools, the short novella I wrote in May-June, has been picked up by Loose Id. It’s just gone through its first round of edits (I barely survived) and is currently scheduled for a January release.
*insert w00t!!! here*
What’s it about?
It’s about a waitress named Kate who’s having a crap day, (week, month, life). She’s working full time and trying to keep up with university studies on a part-time basis. She just kicked her boyfriend out of her apartment. The bar where she works, MacNab’s, is under construction and the constant noise is driving her bonkers. After a particularly stressful day at work is hauled into her boss’s office for a pep talk to cool her off, but Kate decides she needs more than a pep-talk. She needs to burn off that stress and Mike’s looking like an awfully good way to get the job done …
It seems like a good idea at the time. The problem is that once he’s got her Mike wants to not only keep her but he also wants to help her fix the parts of her life he thinks are broken.
I had a ball writing this, particularly since it's set in my hometown and I really got to play around with the setting as the plot moves along. Plus I got to play Bar Tycoon ;P
As I get more information I'll be posting it at my website. You can subscribe to the update website feed by going to the site and clicking on the orange feed icon in the address bar.
Disclaimer - not actual depiction of any character in the book,
but it was either this dude or a picture of Heath Ledger
(you try googling joker/jester and see what you get!)
I really am the worst at updating blogs/websites, so for some this is days-old news ...
I have a new story up at Oysters & Chocolate Erotic, Island Flavour. For anyone who is interested, here's the recipe for the Strawberry Grand Marnier jam mentioned in the story. Can't help you out with the Blueberry Sauce, but you can buy from the PEI Preserve Company.
I have a new story up at Oysters & Chocolate Erotic, Island Flavour. For anyone who is interested, here's the recipe for the Strawberry Grand Marnier jam mentioned in the story. Can't help you out with the Blueberry Sauce, but you can buy from the PEI Preserve Company.
Just want to send a quick congrats to the Ravenous Romance authors whose work is being offered in paperback by HSN, especially to Lexi Ryan and Keta Diablo, two of the biggest sweethearts I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Lexi's new cover is sexaaaay
Lexi's new cover is sexaaaayLexi's Stilettos, Inc. is a part of the paranormal package, while Keta's Land of the Falling Stars is featured in the historical package. Both are available as part of the sampler pack.
(Check it out at HSN. You can also find more information at the Ravenous Romance blog, Ryan Field offers his thoughts on it. For those without HSN (like us in Canadaland) you can watch live from the HSN website at 8am EST)
Edit: The show is actually on at 8:00 AM, not P.M.
(Check it out at HSN. You can also find more information at the Ravenous Romance blog, Ryan Field offers his thoughts on it. For those without HSN (like us in Canadaland) you can watch live from the HSN website at 8am EST)
Edit: The show is actually on at 8:00 AM, not P.M.
- http://alessiabrio.blogspot.com/search/l
abel/rant - http://culinarycarnivale.blogspot.com/20
09/05/tales-of-perturbation-part-ii.html - http://victoriajanssen.blogspot.com/2009/0
7/cecilia-tan-guest-post-why-writing.htm l - http://www.loveromancepassion.com/sexy-r
omance-verus-erotica-romance/ - http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/g/ray-g
arton/ - http://twitter.com/RayGarton/status/3465
245348 - http://mrsgiggles00.livejournal.com/2596
7.html - http://culinarycarnivale.blogspot.com/20
09/08/mean-girls-of-romfail.html - http://karenranney.wordpress.com/2009/08/2
2/im-about-to-expose-my-pollyanna-side-a gain/ - http://mrsgiggles00.livejournal.com/2634
9.html - http://www.monkeybearreviews.com/2009/08/2
5/criticisms-of-romfail-why-now/
Hurricane Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiill is coming. Scream that with a Southern accent and it might attract sexy naked vampires.
So yes, all week the weather centre has been predicting that my little paradise is going to be bombarded by Hurricane Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiill. The last time it was Juan (and you must imagine Antonio Banderas saying this) and it was a week of no electricity and utter boredom. It was Juan that inspired my short stories "Blackout", "Left In The Dark" and "My Heroes". Sexy times in the aftermath of a hurricane. *thumbs up*
Except that it wasn't sexy times at all. It was stinky times. It was dark times. It was hell. I learned that if I ever was stranded on a deserted island I'd be the first one to snap and start a church dedicated to the worship of the Crab God complete with human sacrifice.
But this time I'm prepared! Oh yes, bring it on Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiill. Now Emergency Measures tells you that you need to have lots of batteries, bottled water, and canned goods.
Yes, yes, that's all very well and good but what about entertainment? Much like I respeonded to the threat of evacuation due to forest fire by stuffing all my X-Files DVDs into a gym bag, leaving my personal documents to burn up, I have my priorities in order :
The laptop must be fully charged. I may only have two hours worth of power but two hours is more than enough to type out a suicide note in a lovely cursive font explaining that yes, you did in fact end it all because you haven't been able to watch Family Guy in over 12 hours.
The cell phone must be fully charged. Not so much for calling in case of an emergency but so that you can instant message everyone you know that you've been blown over the rainbow and are about to be devoured by Munchkins (who have gone feral since the Wizard's departure left a huge gaping hole in Oz's civil order.)
The portable DVD player must be fully charged. If I can't watch Shaun of the Dead when I'm stressed bad things happen to good people.
My bitches.
The mp3 player must be charged. Both of them. The one with the radio will allow me to get news updates but also hear Rhianna and Nelly Furtado twice in an hour, which I think will be a good defense when I'm on trial for murder. The one without the radio will be used as a torture device. Anyone who wants to come around and chat about that tree that fell on my car will immediately be facing a full frontal assault led by Pitbull's "Hotel Room Service", Flo-Rida's "Right Round," and if they're really stubborn and can't be dislodged, The Pussycat Dolls.
The Sony Reader must be charged. It's filled to the brim with smut! Smut you can't get in print unless you special order it! Werwolves with huge wangs roaming the Scottish Highlands looking for some poor woman whose car has broken down! American revolutionaries confusing Loyalist daughters by inspiring tingly sensations in their lady gardens! Half-naked men sweating it out at the gym and then banging until dawn! Satanic ritual and rampant Victorian homoeroticism! Tarzan fighting Nazis!
But what if all these things lose power? What if there's an outage that lasts a week? Well, that's where I go old school and hit the bookshelf. Therefore, I present you with ...
My Emergency Book Pile:
Heaven - V.C. Andrews
Warping fragile young minds since the 70's in spite of the fact that she's been dead for a while, V.C. Andrews just keeps on publishing. You can't beat the old stuff, though, and Heaven is my favourite. As shocking as Flowers in the Attic was, Heaven is a true American Gothic. The backwoods girl is displaced in a world of money and betrayal; mysterious strangers and the whiff of incest all around; villains so hideous they drag the entire book down into Smutsville, thus obliterating any chance it ever had of being considered literary.
To Taste Temptation - Elizabeth Hoyt
From the tits on the cover to the humping on the inside flap, to the panty-soaking exchange between hero and heroine in the excerpt, is it really necessary to explain why this is on the list? If so, I have only two words: Elizabeth Hoyt. Her Princes trilogy is the best erotic romance I've ever read.
The Backwoods of Canada - Catharine Parr Traill
I'm familiar with this author only by reputation and as a character in one of my favourite plays. CPT has influenced so many with her accounts as a pioneer wife in Upper Canada (along with her sister, Susannah Moodie) and I do love early Canadian history to bits, so I'll set this one on the pile.
Pleasurable Bargains - Kate Pearce
I'm not familiar with this author at all, save to say that she's an E.C. author. This book puts two of her e-novellas into one. Threesome with twins? Check. A sexual bargain that starts in a gay Victorian whorehouse? Check.
Kiss & Hell - Dakota Cassidy
So I broke my book-buying moratorium to get this so I might as well read it, even though I still haven't read The Accidental Werewolf. For one, the cover is supercool. For two, it has Lucifer in it. For three, Dakota Cassidy once made fizzy pop shoot out of my nose, thus blinding me for a good 10 minutes.
I should add the new Jenna Black to that list but I just can't do it. I know she's going to tease me through another 300+ pages with a complete lack of Adam/Morgan sex. It's becoming a sickness with me and one I'm deeply ashamed of. Well, no, not really. I want nasty demon sex, dammit.
There will also be liberal-sprinklings of zombies, werewolves, assassins and various other-worldly things.
Bring on the apocalypse. I'm ready.
===
I should also have mentioned ages ago that I have a story re-published at Oysters & Chocolate Erotic, "Midday Ruckus". Flying sexy toys and dirty kitchen sex! Read it here: http://www.oystersandchocolate.com/Stori
So yes, all week the weather centre has been predicting that my little paradise is going to be bombarded by Hurricane Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiill. The last time it was Juan (and you must imagine Antonio Banderas saying this) and it was a week of no electricity and utter boredom. It was Juan that inspired my short stories "Blackout", "Left In The Dark" and "My Heroes". Sexy times in the aftermath of a hurricane. *thumbs up*
Except that it wasn't sexy times at all. It was stinky times. It was dark times. It was hell. I learned that if I ever was stranded on a deserted island I'd be the first one to snap and start a church dedicated to the worship of the Crab God complete with human sacrifice.
But this time I'm prepared! Oh yes, bring it on Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiill. Now Emergency Measures tells you that you need to have lots of batteries, bottled water, and canned goods.
Yes, yes, that's all very well and good but what about entertainment? Much like I respeonded to the threat of evacuation due to forest fire by stuffing all my X-Files DVDs into a gym bag, leaving my personal documents to burn up, I have my priorities in order :
The laptop must be fully charged. I may only have two hours worth of power but two hours is more than enough to type out a suicide note in a lovely cursive font explaining that yes, you did in fact end it all because you haven't been able to watch Family Guy in over 12 hours.
The cell phone must be fully charged. Not so much for calling in case of an emergency but so that you can instant message everyone you know that you've been blown over the rainbow and are about to be devoured by Munchkins (who have gone feral since the Wizard's departure left a huge gaping hole in Oz's civil order.)
The portable DVD player must be fully charged. If I can't watch Shaun of the Dead when I'm stressed bad things happen to good people.
My bitches.The mp3 player must be charged. Both of them. The one with the radio will allow me to get news updates but also hear Rhianna and Nelly Furtado twice in an hour, which I think will be a good defense when I'm on trial for murder. The one without the radio will be used as a torture device. Anyone who wants to come around and chat about that tree that fell on my car will immediately be facing a full frontal assault led by Pitbull's "Hotel Room Service", Flo-Rida's "Right Round," and if they're really stubborn and can't be dislodged, The Pussycat Dolls.
The Sony Reader must be charged. It's filled to the brim with smut! Smut you can't get in print unless you special order it! Werwolves with huge wangs roaming the Scottish Highlands looking for some poor woman whose car has broken down! American revolutionaries confusing Loyalist daughters by inspiring tingly sensations in their lady gardens! Half-naked men sweating it out at the gym and then banging until dawn! Satanic ritual and rampant Victorian homoeroticism! Tarzan fighting Nazis!
But what if all these things lose power? What if there's an outage that lasts a week? Well, that's where I go old school and hit the bookshelf. Therefore, I present you with ...
My Emergency Book Pile:
Heaven - V.C. Andrews
Warping fragile young minds since the 70's in spite of the fact that she's been dead for a while, V.C. Andrews just keeps on publishing. You can't beat the old stuff, though, and Heaven is my favourite. As shocking as Flowers in the Attic was, Heaven is a true American Gothic. The backwoods girl is displaced in a world of money and betrayal; mysterious strangers and the whiff of incest all around; villains so hideous they drag the entire book down into Smutsville, thus obliterating any chance it ever had of being considered literary.
To Taste Temptation - Elizabeth Hoyt
From the tits on the cover to the humping on the inside flap, to the panty-soaking exchange between hero and heroine in the excerpt, is it really necessary to explain why this is on the list? If so, I have only two words: Elizabeth Hoyt. Her Princes trilogy is the best erotic romance I've ever read.
The Backwoods of Canada - Catharine Parr Traill
I'm familiar with this author only by reputation and as a character in one of my favourite plays. CPT has influenced so many with her accounts as a pioneer wife in Upper Canada (along with her sister, Susannah Moodie) and I do love early Canadian history to bits, so I'll set this one on the pile.
Pleasurable Bargains - Kate Pearce
I'm not familiar with this author at all, save to say that she's an E.C. author. This book puts two of her e-novellas into one. Threesome with twins? Check. A sexual bargain that starts in a gay Victorian whorehouse? Check.
Kiss & Hell - Dakota Cassidy
So I broke my book-buying moratorium to get this so I might as well read it, even though I still haven't read The Accidental Werewolf. For one, the cover is supercool. For two, it has Lucifer in it. For three, Dakota Cassidy once made fizzy pop shoot out of my nose, thus blinding me for a good 10 minutes.
I should add the new Jenna Black to that list but I just can't do it. I know she's going to tease me through another 300+ pages with a complete lack of Adam/Morgan sex. It's becoming a sickness with me and one I'm deeply ashamed of. Well, no, not really. I want nasty demon sex, dammit.
There will also be liberal-sprinklings of zombies, werewolves, assassins and various other-worldly things.
Bring on the apocalypse. I'm ready.
===
I should also have mentioned ages ago that I have a story re-published at Oysters & Chocolate Erotic, "Midday Ruckus". Flying sexy toys and dirty kitchen sex! Read it here: http://www.oystersandchocolate.com/Stori
I am back from my first real vacation in over 10 years. It was just a week, but it was a good one, and I had in my company some delicious geek boys and a terrifying little wooden deity.
For all of last week I was in Cavendish, Prince Edward Island. Cavendish is the real-life name of Avonlea, setting to the Anne of Green Gables books and a few others written by Lucy Maud Montgomery. It’s here where L.M. Montgomery went after her mother’s death, to live with her grandparents in a perfect little place now far from where she’s now buried, and where she wrote Anne of Green Gables. I can finally understand how literary genius was bred in such a small, insignificant place, because there really is nowhere like it in the world. Those first scenes in AoGG in which Anne prattles in awe of everything she sees is spot on: Cavendish is like an emerald with flecks of amber and violet. You remember the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door and everything goes from sepia to Technicolor? This is Cavendish.
But as lovely as Cavendish was, it had nothing on Park Corner. This is the location of Silver Bush, Ingleside, and the infamous Lake of Shining Waters. I’ve been trying to describe the lake to those who haven’t seen it, and it’s impossible. You just have to stand there on the banks and stare off until a car passes by and brings you back to reality. The way the red sand under the water meets the reflection of the blue sky gives the water a violet appearance that is so beautiful and serene you get lost in it.
Of course, being in the Land o’ Anne, I walked away having spent far too much on books than I should have. All of the more obscure titles like A Tangled Web and Magic for Marigold were scooped up at various gift shops, and I even managed to snag a copy of Among the Shadows, which is a compilation of Montgomery’s supernatural-themed stories (actually, I drove across the island looking for Shadows only to find it in the used bookstore right next to my cottage …) There is also an abundance of escapist fiction in beach & cottage country. I had a suitcase loaded with old school romances and the complete Casteel series by V.C. Andrews when I came over the bridge. With all the sight-seeing and shopping the only time I did any reading was in the evening, and as it turned out I had brought with me some deliciously geeky boys.
Mary Janice Davidson’s Derik’s Bane
I’d gushed over MJD’s Beggerman, Thief and so when I was loading up at the bookstore I had to add something with her name on it. I’m so glad I picked this. Derik, the Pack underling turned Alpha is sent to collect Sara Gunn, who is the reincarnation of Morgan Le Fay. She’s not aware of this fact until Derik enlightens her (after she kicks his ass and duct-tapes him to a chair, that is). Derik is just so doofy you can’t help but gush over him. His first few times scoring with Sara is cringe-worthy, adding to his doofiness, and he’s a Rachel Ray fangirl. Honestly, how can one not squee! over such geekiness? The part that had me spitting my tea across the deck was his hanging his head out the window as he and Sara drove cross-country. The mental image of this made the scalding nostrils worth it. My only problem with the book is that it refers to characters and events from Davidson’s e-books, which I think were all published by Red Sage, but the story was still easy to follow and I was left resisting the urge to buy her entire catalogue from RS as soon as I finished Derik’s Bane.
Christopher Moore’s A Dirty Job
Whenever I read something by Christopher Moore, I’m convinced that I’m going to be disappointed the next outing and it hasn’t happened yet (although I am having trouble getting
into Fluke.) A Dirty Job takes place in the same universe as Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck. I honestly didn’t think another Moore hero could eclipse my love for Tommy Flood and Tucker Case, but Charlie Asher did it, and he brought his kid into the mix. Charlie is a pawn-shop owner and first time father, and with his wife’s death he discovers that he’s a Death Merchant, whose role is to collect souls from the recently departed and make sure they are passed on to a body in need of a soul. The book takes the reader through the first five years of fatherhood with Charlie and like all of Moore’s books, the underdog hero is supported by a cast of absurd characters including two hellhounds. Sophie Asher, Charlie’s five year old daughter, is adorable and funny and even though you can see her role in the grand scheme of things a mile away she’s the perfect complement to Charlie. Sadly, it looks like Moore is closing the book on this story arc that began with Bloodsucking Fiends. I hope it’s not permanent – I would love to see a third vampire story with Tommy and Jodi.
Ray Garton’s Graven Image
After a little bit of whining I was given the opportunity to read Graven Image, which is a rare novella written by Garton (who wrote Ravenous, which I mentioned in my last post) and while I really enjoyed it, it took a few days to get it out of my system. I read this while parked on a dirt road waiting for the ferry and this probably wasn’t the wisest course of action, seeing as after I finished I took a walk and discovered this gateway to hell:
I had the creeps for the rest of the day and in spite of the serenity of my cottage locale had me yanking the covers over my head when the lights went out and my heart jumping into my throat when the fridge clicked on. Graven Image is a terrifying little story that’s going to rear its hideous head every single time I see a crucifix and the film version is probably going to get Garton burned at the stake.
(I also want to mention that Garton, from the perspective of someone from the horror community, has weighed in on the recent fuckery by RWA in regards to e-publishers, so if you’re on Twitter, follow him for some great insight.)
Right now I’m in the beginning pages of Brian Keene’s City of the Dead, which is proving to be just as gory as The Rising, and I’m really excited to be reading Lexi Ryan’s Stilettos, Inc., which is getting great reviews (and from what I’ve read so far, well-deserved kudos.) My to-read pile might crush me before the end of the summer, but this helps: 16 Ways to Read More Books!
It’s always nice to find someone as anal about the to-read pile as I am.
For all of last week I was in Cavendish, Prince Edward Island. Cavendish is the real-life name of Avonlea, setting to the Anne of Green Gables books and a few others written by Lucy Maud Montgomery. It’s here where L.M. Montgomery went after her mother’s death, to live with her grandparents in a perfect little place now far from where she’s now buried, and where she wrote Anne of Green Gables. I can finally understand how literary genius was bred in such a small, insignificant place, because there really is nowhere like it in the world. Those first scenes in AoGG in which Anne prattles in awe of everything she sees is spot on: Cavendish is like an emerald with flecks of amber and violet. You remember the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy opens the door and everything goes from sepia to Technicolor? This is Cavendish.But as lovely as Cavendish was, it had nothing on Park Corner. This is the location of Silver Bush, Ingleside, and the infamous Lake of Shining Waters. I’ve been trying to describe the lake to those who haven’t seen it, and it’s impossible. You just have to stand there on the banks and stare off until a car passes by and brings you back to reality. The way the red sand under the water meets the reflection of the blue sky gives the water a violet appearance that is so beautiful and serene you get lost in it.
Of course, being in the Land o’ Anne, I walked away having spent far too much on books than I should have. All of the more obscure titles like A Tangled Web and Magic for Marigold were scooped up at various gift shops, and I even managed to snag a copy of Among the Shadows, which is a compilation of Montgomery’s supernatural-themed stories (actually, I drove across the island looking for Shadows only to find it in the used bookstore right next to my cottage …) There is also an abundance of escapist fiction in beach & cottage country. I had a suitcase loaded with old school romances and the complete Casteel series by V.C. Andrews when I came over the bridge. With all the sight-seeing and shopping the only time I did any reading was in the evening, and as it turned out I had brought with me some deliciously geeky boys.Mary Janice Davidson’s Derik’s Bane
I’d gushed over MJD’s Beggerman, Thief and so when I was loading up at the bookstore I had to add something with her name on it. I’m so glad I picked this. Derik, the Pack underling turned Alpha is sent to collect Sara Gunn, who is the reincarnation of Morgan Le Fay. She’s not aware of this fact until Derik enlightens her (after she kicks his ass and duct-tapes him to a chair, that is). Derik is just so doofy you can’t help but gush over him. His first few times scoring with Sara is cringe-worthy, adding to his doofiness, and he’s a Rachel Ray fangirl. Honestly, how can one not squee! over such geekiness? The part that had me spitting my tea across the deck was his hanging his head out the window as he and Sara drove cross-country. The mental image of this made the scalding nostrils worth it. My only problem with the book is that it refers to characters and events from Davidson’s e-books, which I think were all published by Red Sage, but the story was still easy to follow and I was left resisting the urge to buy her entire catalogue from RS as soon as I finished Derik’s Bane.Christopher Moore’s A Dirty Job
Whenever I read something by Christopher Moore, I’m convinced that I’m going to be disappointed the next outing and it hasn’t happened yet (although I am having trouble getting
into Fluke.) A Dirty Job takes place in the same universe as Bloodsucking Fiends and You Suck. I honestly didn’t think another Moore hero could eclipse my love for Tommy Flood and Tucker Case, but Charlie Asher did it, and he brought his kid into the mix. Charlie is a pawn-shop owner and first time father, and with his wife’s death he discovers that he’s a Death Merchant, whose role is to collect souls from the recently departed and make sure they are passed on to a body in need of a soul. The book takes the reader through the first five years of fatherhood with Charlie and like all of Moore’s books, the underdog hero is supported by a cast of absurd characters including two hellhounds. Sophie Asher, Charlie’s five year old daughter, is adorable and funny and even though you can see her role in the grand scheme of things a mile away she’s the perfect complement to Charlie. Sadly, it looks like Moore is closing the book on this story arc that began with Bloodsucking Fiends. I hope it’s not permanent – I would love to see a third vampire story with Tommy and Jodi.Ray Garton’s Graven Image
After a little bit of whining I was given the opportunity to read Graven Image, which is a rare novella written by Garton (who wrote Ravenous, which I mentioned in my last post) and while I really enjoyed it, it took a few days to get it out of my system. I read this while parked on a dirt road waiting for the ferry and this probably wasn’t the wisest course of action, seeing as after I finished I took a walk and discovered this gateway to hell:
I had the creeps for the rest of the day and in spite of the serenity of my cottage locale had me yanking the covers over my head when the lights went out and my heart jumping into my throat when the fridge clicked on. Graven Image is a terrifying little story that’s going to rear its hideous head every single time I see a crucifix and the film version is probably going to get Garton burned at the stake.(I also want to mention that Garton, from the perspective of someone from the horror community, has weighed in on the recent fuckery by RWA in regards to e-publishers, so if you’re on Twitter, follow him for some great insight.)
Right now I’m in the beginning pages of Brian Keene’s City of the Dead, which is proving to be just as gory as The Rising, and I’m really excited to be reading Lexi Ryan’s Stilettos, Inc., which is getting great reviews (and from what I’ve read so far, well-deserved kudos.) My to-read pile might crush me before the end of the summer, but this helps: 16 Ways to Read More Books!
It’s always nice to find someone as anal about the to-read pile as I am.
En route to cottage and am posting from Pictou, Nova Scotia. My motel room leaves something to be desired, but it does have wireless internet (if you've been following me on twitter the irony of this should be killing you) and an ice cream stand 5 minutes away. Thus far I have driven all along the Sunrise Trail and gotten lost twice. I've discovered that upon sighting a sheep I will exclaim "Sheep!" with a girlish squee! but horses and cows do not do it for me. I've also decided that I want a penis because when you have to pee when you're on the road, aim and the ability to look casual while urinating in plain sight is an admirable thing.
All last week I was glued to my email with stuff flying back and forth, one of which was the acceptance of my story "Midday Ruckus" by Oysters & Chocolate. This story has been published before but the site it was hosted went under, so I was looking for a new home for it. It was my first attempt at humour, if memory serves me right, so I'm glad to see it going to a great home like O&C.
As I indicated, humour was the only thing keeping me from going postal for the last month, and my choices were excellent. First up was Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Darkside. Snarky vampire? Check. Heroine who can't stand him? Check. Comic mishaps? Err, not really. The comedy came from the snark. When things happened they usually went to dark places and involved death, and as the story went on the darkness became the predominant force in the story. Fantaskey also did what Stephanie Meyer failed to do with her half-assed attempt to recreated Wuthering Heights as a YA vampire story. Myer was obviously oblivious to the love-hate dynamic between Heathcliff and Catherine, but Fantaskey created a couple who love to hate one another and a hero who embodied Heathcliff in ways Edward Cullen never could.
The end of this YA novel absolutely kicked the ass of most adult paranormal romances I've read. I really cannot wait for Beth Fantaskey's next outing and I do hope that she ventures into adult paranormal romance territory one day (or at least follows up with a werewolf story.)
Another discovery I made was Dakota Cassidy. How did I not know about this author? Apparently I'm deficient, because I also did not know about Mary Janice Davidson. Cassidy brought the funny with She-Ro, available from Loose Id. From start to finish I laughed out loud while reading this. Andy is absolutely hilarious as a heroine and by putting this girly-girl in a Never Been Kissed-esque situation of having to go to a super school to learn super powers while surrounded by snotty teenagers honing their superhero skills. The opening scene is full of giggles,and a later scene involving an attempt to complete an obstacle course is pure fun. And the hero's name is Clarke Khent! I'm pretty much going to buy up everything Cassidy has ever written after this.
--
Another read I was trying to hold off on is a complete departure from the humour I craved was Ravenous by Ray Garton. I had originally picked up his Bestial only to find out it was a sequel, and so my mission became to obtain this. Like the injection of humour, this dose of horror was what I needed. I'm kind of old school when it comes to werewolves--I don't typically enjoy romance werewolves because they always seem to be missing that complete lack of control that an old school werewolf has. I'm not sure who said it, but the saying is that the vampire is the seducer while the werewolf is the rapist. This is the catch to Ravenous - Garton's werewolves are violent, hairy beasts whose motivations are sex and food. This is a great small-town-under-seige story and had two scenes that I found to be absolutely chilling (one of which was unexpected), and he doesn't hold back one iota when it comes to the horrific actions of the werewolves. They're not only monsters but at the same time, the initial werewolf is everything we suburbanites fear - our safe little world being infiltrated by a scruffy drifter and there is nothing we can do to protect ourselves.
There's one scene that as a reader I suspected was coming, and man, was it ever good when it did: a particularly nasty character gets what's coming to him, but I didn't expect the way in which justice was delivered. It was better than I had anticated - reading-on-the-edge-of-your-seat good (Chapter 39, if anyone has read or plans to read -- hoo boy). I'll be reading Bestial next, and according to Garton there will be a third instalment, which doubles as the third instalment of his vampire series, which is now on my wish list (and according to IMDB, Ray Winstone is tied to the film version of Live Girls *pantpant*)
Also on my vacation to-read pile includes Briane Keene's City of the Dead; Dakota Cassidy's The Accidental Werewolf; Mary Janice Davidson's Derik's Bane; Lexi Ryan's Stilettos, Inc.; and a few others I threw in a bag/added to my Sony.
All last week I was glued to my email with stuff flying back and forth, one of which was the acceptance of my story "Midday Ruckus" by Oysters & Chocolate. This story has been published before but the site it was hosted went under, so I was looking for a new home for it. It was my first attempt at humour, if memory serves me right, so I'm glad to see it going to a great home like O&C.
As I indicated, humour was the only thing keeping me from going postal for the last month, and my choices were excellent. First up was Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Darkside. Snarky vampire? Check. Heroine who can't stand him? Check. Comic mishaps? Err, not really. The comedy came from the snark. When things happened they usually went to dark places and involved death, and as the story went on the darkness became the predominant force in the story. Fantaskey also did what Stephanie Meyer failed to do with her half-assed attempt to recreated Wuthering Heights as a YA vampire story. Myer was obviously oblivious to the love-hate dynamic between Heathcliff and Catherine, but Fantaskey created a couple who love to hate one another and a hero who embodied Heathcliff in ways Edward Cullen never could.
The end of this YA novel absolutely kicked the ass of most adult paranormal romances I've read. I really cannot wait for Beth Fantaskey's next outing and I do hope that she ventures into adult paranormal romance territory one day (or at least follows up with a werewolf story.)
Another discovery I made was Dakota Cassidy. How did I not know about this author? Apparently I'm deficient, because I also did not know about Mary Janice Davidson. Cassidy brought the funny with She-Ro, available from Loose Id. From start to finish I laughed out loud while reading this. Andy is absolutely hilarious as a heroine and by putting this girly-girl in a Never Been Kissed-esque situation of having to go to a super school to learn super powers while surrounded by snotty teenagers honing their superhero skills. The opening scene is full of giggles,and a later scene involving an attempt to complete an obstacle course is pure fun. And the hero's name is Clarke Khent! I'm pretty much going to buy up everything Cassidy has ever written after this.
--
Another read I was trying to hold off on is a complete departure from the humour I craved was Ravenous by Ray Garton. I had originally picked up his Bestial only to find out it was a sequel, and so my mission became to obtain this. Like the injection of humour, this dose of horror was what I needed. I'm kind of old school when it comes to werewolves--I don't typically enjoy romance werewolves because they always seem to be missing that complete lack of control that an old school werewolf has. I'm not sure who said it, but the saying is that the vampire is the seducer while the werewolf is the rapist. This is the catch to Ravenous - Garton's werewolves are violent, hairy beasts whose motivations are sex and food. This is a great small-town-under-seige story and had two scenes that I found to be absolutely chilling (one of which was unexpected), and he doesn't hold back one iota when it comes to the horrific actions of the werewolves. They're not only monsters but at the same time, the initial werewolf is everything we suburbanites fear - our safe little world being infiltrated by a scruffy drifter and there is nothing we can do to protect ourselves.
There's one scene that as a reader I suspected was coming, and man, was it ever good when it did: a particularly nasty character gets what's coming to him, but I didn't expect the way in which justice was delivered. It was better than I had anticated - reading-on-the-edge-of-your-seat good (Chapter 39, if anyone has read or plans to read -- hoo boy). I'll be reading Bestial next, and according to Garton there will be a third instalment, which doubles as the third instalment of his vampire series, which is now on my wish list (and according to IMDB, Ray Winstone is tied to the film version of Live Girls *pantpant*)
Also on my vacation to-read pile includes Briane Keene's City of the Dead; Dakota Cassidy's The Accidental Werewolf; Mary Janice Davidson's Derik's Bane; Lexi Ryan's Stilettos, Inc.; and a few others I threw in a bag/added to my Sony.
Just had to share this absolutely hilarious post by Jess @ Culinary Carnivale. It has completely derailed my evening of shaving and plucking a short story I had written over the weekend:
Hot & Steamy Outback Roo Shapeshifter...
http://culinarycarnivale.blogspot.com/20
Hot & Steamy Outback Roo Shapeshifter...
Jack is a dreamer who is searching for his anchor in a dusty, turbulent world. He spends his evenings racing through the undergrowth of the Outback--while his days are occupied with working hard on his grandfather's opal mine and boxing (in his other form) for his uncle during on the weekends.The sad part about this is that my brain immediately went to Hugh Jackman in Australia as Jack. There just isn't enough liquor in the world to undo this mental image, folks.
It is difficult being a shape shifter. It is even tougher being a sexy kangaroo shape shifter....especially a young, virile shape shifter who can hop all night long. Jack was known for playing around and hooking up with the other lovely Roo ladies that roamed the wilds at night. His back legs were the strongest and most muscular of all the males in the area, after all ...
http://culinarycarnivale.blogspot.com/20
I'm procrastinating, hence the two post day.
My vacation is less than three weeks away and after changing my mind a dozen times I settled on cottage country. I’ve never done this before and after perusing the travel guide I’ve determined that the sightseeing will take all of four hours, which leaves me 13 days left to vegetate in a lawn chair with a book. This coincides with the end of my summer book-buying blitz. I do this twice a year in January and June—fill up the bookcase and then spend six months burning through it, making additions only when I absolutely have to have a certain book.
This year I find I’m in desperate need of vacation. I’m getting curmudgeonly in a git-off-mah-lawn! brand of irritated and as such, I’m looking for a special kind of escape. I want to laugh so hard iced tea comes shooting out of my nose. Therefore, I’ve been scouring the internet for such goodness. Loose Id had published the digital version of Mary Janice Davidson’s Beggarman, Thief, which I loved more than baby turtles, chocolate, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and after some searching I discovered they also published Dakota Cassidy, who had been on my google list after I had gone off looking for some werewolf books (okay, so I was actually looking for werewolf horror, but I’ve since discovered that paranormal romance ate the horror section of my favourite bookseller—that’s a rant best left to the horror fans). So I decided to buy her She-Ro novella and took a quick peek to make sure it didn’t format funny. Next thing I knew I was on chapter three and in the throes of an all out giggle-fit.
My love for rom-coms baffles me, mainly because I don’t usually enjoy them in movie form, but the thing about rom-com movies is they recycle the same formula over and over again. With books, I get something fresh almost every time and usually it’s the heroine who is the Costello to the hero’s Abbott. I’ve said before that I love a daffy heroine and so far in the story, Cassidy is delivering and in doing so earning herself a place on my Must Read Author list.
The male counterpart to the daffy heroine is the snarky hero. He’s second only to grumpy hero (you know the one I’m talking about—the best example I can come up with is Disney’s Beast, who likes to yell a lot and his attempts to rein in the temper have hilarious results.) The snarky hero makes life a living hell for the object of his affection, usually by showing up where he isn’t invited or orchestrating a humiliating episode that ends with a huge angry/horny snogfest in the laundry room. Unlike the daffy heroine, snarky hero can leave the rom-com genre and stretch his legs. Lately he’s been doing so in paranormal romance. Loves me a snarky vampire hero. The mockery he rains down upon his enemies is always the best kind.
Right now my snarky hero is Lucius Vladescu of Beth Fantaskey’s Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side, a YA vampire romance. He’s alpha snark. He’s got his tragic past, what with being a vampire and all, but his reactions to Jessica’s western world provides for much hilarity. Dakota Rebel’s To Hate and To Hold is also bringing the vampire snark (first line includes the phrase “vampire prince and total douche bag”) and is not only bringing the funny but doing it with two snarky vampire heroes. I demand more of such loltastic goodness.
The problem with the funny stuff is that it can be hard to find unless you know how to look for it. There’s no category for comedy in the bookstores and as a reader I have to rely on the cover art to give me a hint. It’s a little easier to find online, which is becoming part of the reason I rely more and more on e-shopping these days (that and, you know, the git-off-mah-lawn mentality I take with me everywhere.)
As much as I’d love to knock off a few classics, a few horror, a few fantasy books off the to-read pile, my summer-brain won’t let me. It demands that I fall out of my lawn chair laughing at least once and scare away the other cottagers, and I must obey.
My vacation is less than three weeks away and after changing my mind a dozen times I settled on cottage country. I’ve never done this before and after perusing the travel guide I’ve determined that the sightseeing will take all of four hours, which leaves me 13 days left to vegetate in a lawn chair with a book. This coincides with the end of my summer book-buying blitz. I do this twice a year in January and June—fill up the bookcase and then spend six months burning through it, making additions only when I absolutely have to have a certain book.
This year I find I’m in desperate need of vacation. I’m getting curmudgeonly in a git-off-mah-lawn! brand of irritated and as such, I’m looking for a special kind of escape. I want to laugh so hard iced tea comes shooting out of my nose. Therefore, I’ve been scouring the internet for such goodness. Loose Id had published the digital version of Mary Janice Davidson’s Beggarman, Thief, which I loved more than baby turtles, chocolate, and Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and after some searching I discovered they also published Dakota Cassidy, who had been on my google list after I had gone off looking for some werewolf books (okay, so I was actually looking for werewolf horror, but I’ve since discovered that paranormal romance ate the horror section of my favourite bookseller—that’s a rant best left to the horror fans). So I decided to buy her She-Ro novella and took a quick peek to make sure it didn’t format funny. Next thing I knew I was on chapter three and in the throes of an all out giggle-fit.
My love for rom-coms baffles me, mainly because I don’t usually enjoy them in movie form, but the thing about rom-com movies is they recycle the same formula over and over again. With books, I get something fresh almost every time and usually it’s the heroine who is the Costello to the hero’s Abbott. I’ve said before that I love a daffy heroine and so far in the story, Cassidy is delivering and in doing so earning herself a place on my Must Read Author list.
The male counterpart to the daffy heroine is the snarky hero. He’s second only to grumpy hero (you know the one I’m talking about—the best example I can come up with is Disney’s Beast, who likes to yell a lot and his attempts to rein in the temper have hilarious results.) The snarky hero makes life a living hell for the object of his affection, usually by showing up where he isn’t invited or orchestrating a humiliating episode that ends with a huge angry/horny snogfest in the laundry room. Unlike the daffy heroine, snarky hero can leave the rom-com genre and stretch his legs. Lately he’s been doing so in paranormal romance. Loves me a snarky vampire hero. The mockery he rains down upon his enemies is always the best kind.
Right now my snarky hero is Lucius Vladescu of Beth Fantaskey’s Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side, a YA vampire romance. He’s alpha snark. He’s got his tragic past, what with being a vampire and all, but his reactions to Jessica’s western world provides for much hilarity. Dakota Rebel’s To Hate and To Hold is also bringing the vampire snark (first line includes the phrase “vampire prince and total douche bag”) and is not only bringing the funny but doing it with two snarky vampire heroes. I demand more of such loltastic goodness.The problem with the funny stuff is that it can be hard to find unless you know how to look for it. There’s no category for comedy in the bookstores and as a reader I have to rely on the cover art to give me a hint. It’s a little easier to find online, which is becoming part of the reason I rely more and more on e-shopping these days (that and, you know, the git-off-mah-lawn mentality I take with me everywhere.)
As much as I’d love to knock off a few classics, a few horror, a few fantasy books off the to-read pile, my summer-brain won’t let me. It demands that I fall out of my lawn chair laughing at least once and scare away the other cottagers, and I must obey.
Dear Beloved Book Blogger,
It’s with a heavy heart that I inform you that we’re through.
I know, I know, you’ve been tickling my naughty bits for years now but I have to say that lately I’ve been getting it better elsewhere. Sorry, I know that’s cold, but since you’ve decided that your time is better served sticking it to the man I’ve had no choice but to look elsewhere.
Frankly, darling, you’re just no fun anymore. You’ve forgotten about me, your little love-muffin. You’ve lost that little something that made me fall madly in love with you in the first place. You made me laugh, you made me cry, you made me keep long lists of books that I wanted because you said they were so ridiculously good I just had to have them. You showed me funny pictures that made me giggle/snort. I told my friends how good you were with my naughty bits and the celebrated you. We may have disagreed on occasion but there were never any hard feelings. It was bliss!
Now all you do is piss and moan about the man and I’ll be honest with you, I’m sick of hearing it. In the last year I’ve seen you go from my carefree book-lover to some sort of self-appointed champion who must protect me not only from bad books but bad publishers, bad book sellers, bad newspapers and a plethora of other things you think I should avoid. I’m a big girl, dear lover, and at the end of the day I am perfectly capable of making up my own mind and I’m finding a new flame capable of servicing my needs.
But how? You might be wondering. What can they possibly give me that you can’t? Interviews with authors, reviews, upcoming release dates, extras, etc. This is what I want, what I expect, what I demand as your reader. When you no longer provide this, you are no longer delivering what you promised me long ago when we first discovered one another and you no longer deserve the money I bring to your site. I have no choice but to take the money I would have spent at your store and spend it elsewhere, and my new harem is more than happy to take it from me. I’ll be giving them my affiliate and advertising dollars and send them away with a kiss and a nice pinch on the bum like any good sugar momma would.
I wish you well, honey-bunny, but I have needs that you have forgotten about. When you cease giving me the good stuff, I’ll spread my green stuff around to those who know what to do with it.
Have a nice life, sweetie. It was a blast. Good luck in taking down the man.
xox
===
Some links from my new harem:
http://www.loveromancepassion.com/
http://fang-tasticbooks.blogspot.com/
http://midnightseductionsauthors.blogspo
http://siamckye.blogspot.com/
If you've got a book blog you think would give my newsreader happy pants, leave a comment with the link. I'm always looking for recommendations that help me find something I never would have found on my own.
With the weather heating up and vacation just weeks away, I’m having trouble holding a thought in my head, and so I’m turning once more to short stories. Last year it was HorrorMasters almost exclusively, but this year I’m filling up on anthologies and interesting finds. I’ve read some bad stuff including a Hot Phantom story (by a big name author, at that) that should be purged to the bowels of the bad Phanfic basement lest it incite the ire of Hot Dracula, arch-nemesis of Hot Phantom, but I'm going to focus on the stuff I like instead while Hot Dracula plots his evil schemes.
One day I'm going to destroy that dick and his foam-rubber ass.
Mary Janice Davidson’s Beggarman, Thief (Loose Id)
A few weeks ago when I started loading up the shiny new Sony, one of my purchases was this short story by Mary Jo Davidson. As I explained at the time, the draw was the cute cover art and the fact that the blurb indicated that the heroine was insane. SOLD!
I am so happy I bought this. I just wish it was longer. I love a daffy heroine. I think it goes back to 80s movies in which all the heroines were blonde and ditzy. Jamie is like Harley Quinn from the Batman comics and Mitchell is more Bruce Wayne than The Joker (and what I mean by that is that he’s the non-crazy variety of hero who doesn’t have that Ike Turner vibe.) She’s a mutant, he’s a bionic man. He’s wealthy, she steals things. He’s lonely, she’s kind of nuts. When he catches her slipping into his safe in search of a diamond (“Besides, it was shiny and she wanted it.”) he pulls a Pretty Woman on her: spend the weekend with me and the diamond is yours. When she finds herself in the clutches of a bad guy Mitchell comes to the rescue by busting the freaking door to pieces.
Alice Gaines’s Demons R Us (Changeling Press)
Your husband has left you for your assistant, kicked you out of your own house so he could film porn in your kitchen. What do you do? Grab some pantyhose, some perfume and some Chinese leftovers to make a Satanic altar and summon yourself some demons, that’s what! And before you get to the revenge, you fuck them! Everybody wins! This was another fun read, and I’m not saying that just because I’m a sucker for demons.
Cecilia Tan's Baseball Blues (Ravenous Romance)
Cecelia Tan is a chick who knows baseball, and that’s hot. Even hotter is the fact that she incorporates it into her romances. This is just one of those stories and it’s a good one. I love an erotic romance in which the build-up is wrapped around a subtle thing we do every day, like ordering food at a diner. Now if only I can locate her hockey-loving counterpart ...
Who are you calling a dick?
I'm not the one who fang-banged Captain Von Trapp!
Cat Johnson's Friends With Benefits (Linden Bay) Free Read
Cat Johnson is permanently on my radar after this one. FWB is the story of two fuck buddies who meander into that hazy couple territory. The premise is pretty standard but her characters are very charming and realistic and completely made for one another. Meg gets more and more neurotic as she contemplates competition for Jeff’s affection and anyone who has in her shoes will chuckle more than once as she tries to navigate from fuck-buddy to girlfriend.
Rachel Vincent's The Midday Mangler Meets His Match from Mammoth Book of Vampire Romance (Perseus Publishing)
Vampire romance gets turned on its ear every so often and Rachel Vincent does it with Mangler. These characters are every day people like you and me, worrying about rent and school and the little dramas that make life both wonderful and unbearable, except in Mangler these characters are vampires. They have families and children, they microwave their (bloody) breakfasts and they rise at dusk to start their days. The heroine of this is a teenager, the oldest of three who shoulders some of the responsibility of taking care of her younger siblings. What makes this really stand out is her younger sister, Luci, who defies the odds by being a child vampire who is actually … wait for it … a child. She’s six. She picks at her food. She gets scared by fairy tales. She has to be bundled up extra tight when it’s cold out. She’s freaking adorable.
Selena Kitt's Connections (Excessica) Free Read
Just a great story about a heroine so reclusive that she picks names out of a phone book and dials them just to have a human connection. She dials the right number one night and develops a bond with the college guy on the other end of the line. Like Friends with Benefits, it’s the heart that gets you with this story and leaves you with the warm fuzzies.
At least I don't stay at home every Friday
night playing with my Real Doll!
Jo Barrett's The Windshield (The Wild Rose Press) Free Read
I read this while sitting in a hotel bar and almost snarled at the cocktail waitress to just go away. It’s a simple story about a car accident victim who is attending rehab and develops a crush on the student who is helping him. It's a very sweet story and I've added Barrett to my list of authors to read more of.
Lexi Ryan's The Exhibition (Ravenous Romance)
Like Tan’s Baseball Blues, Lexi Ryan lets this one simmer right up until the last page, and I do mean simmer. In this case, it’s an artist and his ex-sister-in-law at an exhibition of his latest work. He’s got that tempermental artist thing happening for him that’s irresistible, and she’s charmingly insecure. And yes, the title is a double entendre, and a very good one at that.
Brit M's Giving Orders from Fantastica: An Anthology of Erotic Paranormal Romances (Ravenous Romance)
Part of the reasons I’m careening off the vampire path and onto Little Red’s werewolf-ridden pins & needles trail is this story. While this veers into spoiler territory, I must say that this has a werewolf-biting scene that will fry your brain with how sexy it is. And that’s while everyone still has their clothes on.
Victoria Lake's Office Hours from Fantastica: An Anthology of Erotic Paranormal Romances (Ravenous Romance)
I don’t know whether my love of this story is that this is all about telekinesis or if it’s because the hero is a young, hot college prof. Probably a combination of both. That and Lake points out the things that makes the prof hot that go beyond hard abs and a nice ass—the visual of the prof sitting in his office listening to the radio was probably the sexiest thing to stand out, and considering we’re talking telekinesis sex that’s saying something.
How dare you talk about Crystal Ann like that!
*runs away to cry and write emo poetry in the basement*
Sick Puppy Bonuses:
Dan Simmons's This Year's Class Picture from The Living Dead (Night Shade Books)
I picked up The Living Dead a few weeks ago and I’m savoring it, so I’ve only read one story, the first, called This Year's Class Picture. This is pretty damned twisted and sad. An elderly elementary school teacher has been collecting child-zombies in order to teach them in her classroom. She offers them rewards for “participation.” I’m never eating anything in nugget form again.
Rhonda Lee's Return of the Horny Dead (Eternal Press)
I sincerely hope I don’t offend the author because I don’t mean to, but this story is about as campy as it comes, and that’s why I love it. Ever since Barker’s Haeckel’s Tale and its Masters of Horror counterpart I’m desensitized to zombie sex. In fact I’ve developed a sick fascination with it. This story is like Debbie does the Undead. It’s just freaking fun to read. The heroine discovers the door to her garage ripped off (which, to be honest, was kind of creepy) and a pasty, buff naked guy on the other side. Naturally she takes him inside and in spite of his escaped-mental-patient vibe gets a little freaky with him. But oh noes! He’s a zombie! When I got to the end I kept thinking of how fun it would be if this continued into a hilarious full length hot-chick-and-her-zombie-boyfriend-on-th
*snicker*
One day I'm going to destroy that dick and his foam-rubber ass.
Mary Janice Davidson’s Beggarman, Thief (Loose Id)A few weeks ago when I started loading up the shiny new Sony, one of my purchases was this short story by Mary Jo Davidson. As I explained at the time, the draw was the cute cover art and the fact that the blurb indicated that the heroine was insane. SOLD!
I am so happy I bought this. I just wish it was longer. I love a daffy heroine. I think it goes back to 80s movies in which all the heroines were blonde and ditzy. Jamie is like Harley Quinn from the Batman comics and Mitchell is more Bruce Wayne than The Joker (and what I mean by that is that he’s the non-crazy variety of hero who doesn’t have that Ike Turner vibe.) She’s a mutant, he’s a bionic man. He’s wealthy, she steals things. He’s lonely, she’s kind of nuts. When he catches her slipping into his safe in search of a diamond (“Besides, it was shiny and she wanted it.”) he pulls a Pretty Woman on her: spend the weekend with me and the diamond is yours. When she finds herself in the clutches of a bad guy Mitchell comes to the rescue by busting the freaking door to pieces.
Alice Gaines’s Demons R Us (Changeling Press)
Your husband has left you for your assistant, kicked you out of your own house so he could film porn in your kitchen. What do you do? Grab some pantyhose, some perfume and some Chinese leftovers to make a Satanic altar and summon yourself some demons, that’s what! And before you get to the revenge, you fuck them! Everybody wins! This was another fun read, and I’m not saying that just because I’m a sucker for demons.
Cecilia Tan's Baseball Blues (Ravenous Romance)
Cecelia Tan is a chick who knows baseball, and that’s hot. Even hotter is the fact that she incorporates it into her romances. This is just one of those stories and it’s a good one. I love an erotic romance in which the build-up is wrapped around a subtle thing we do every day, like ordering food at a diner. Now if only I can locate her hockey-loving counterpart ...
Who are you calling a dick?
I'm not the one who fang-banged Captain Von Trapp!
Cat Johnson's Friends With Benefits (Linden Bay) Free Read
Cat Johnson is permanently on my radar after this one. FWB is the story of two fuck buddies who meander into that hazy couple territory. The premise is pretty standard but her characters are very charming and realistic and completely made for one another. Meg gets more and more neurotic as she contemplates competition for Jeff’s affection and anyone who has in her shoes will chuckle more than once as she tries to navigate from fuck-buddy to girlfriend.
Rachel Vincent's The Midday Mangler Meets His Match from Mammoth Book of Vampire Romance (Perseus Publishing)
Vampire romance gets turned on its ear every so often and Rachel Vincent does it with Mangler. These characters are every day people like you and me, worrying about rent and school and the little dramas that make life both wonderful and unbearable, except in Mangler these characters are vampires. They have families and children, they microwave their (bloody) breakfasts and they rise at dusk to start their days. The heroine of this is a teenager, the oldest of three who shoulders some of the responsibility of taking care of her younger siblings. What makes this really stand out is her younger sister, Luci, who defies the odds by being a child vampire who is actually … wait for it … a child. She’s six. She picks at her food. She gets scared by fairy tales. She has to be bundled up extra tight when it’s cold out. She’s freaking adorable.
Selena Kitt's Connections (Excessica) Free Read
Just a great story about a heroine so reclusive that she picks names out of a phone book and dials them just to have a human connection. She dials the right number one night and develops a bond with the college guy on the other end of the line. Like Friends with Benefits, it’s the heart that gets you with this story and leaves you with the warm fuzzies.
At least I don't stay at home every Friday
night playing with my Real Doll!
Jo Barrett's The Windshield (The Wild Rose Press) Free Read
I read this while sitting in a hotel bar and almost snarled at the cocktail waitress to just go away. It’s a simple story about a car accident victim who is attending rehab and develops a crush on the student who is helping him. It's a very sweet story and I've added Barrett to my list of authors to read more of.
Lexi Ryan's The Exhibition (Ravenous Romance)
Like Tan’s Baseball Blues, Lexi Ryan lets this one simmer right up until the last page, and I do mean simmer. In this case, it’s an artist and his ex-sister-in-law at an exhibition of his latest work. He’s got that tempermental artist thing happening for him that’s irresistible, and she’s charmingly insecure. And yes, the title is a double entendre, and a very good one at that.
Brit M's Giving Orders from Fantastica: An Anthology of Erotic Paranormal Romances (Ravenous Romance)
Part of the reasons I’m careening off the vampire path and onto Little Red’s werewolf-ridden pins & needles trail is this story. While this veers into spoiler territory, I must say that this has a werewolf-biting scene that will fry your brain with how sexy it is. And that’s while everyone still has their clothes on.
Victoria Lake's Office Hours from Fantastica: An Anthology of Erotic Paranormal Romances (Ravenous Romance)
I don’t know whether my love of this story is that this is all about telekinesis or if it’s because the hero is a young, hot college prof. Probably a combination of both. That and Lake points out the things that makes the prof hot that go beyond hard abs and a nice ass—the visual of the prof sitting in his office listening to the radio was probably the sexiest thing to stand out, and considering we’re talking telekinesis sex that’s saying something.
How dare you talk about Crystal Ann like that!
*runs away to cry and write emo poetry in the basement*
Sick Puppy Bonuses:
Dan Simmons's This Year's Class Picture from The Living Dead (Night Shade Books)
I picked up The Living Dead a few weeks ago and I’m savoring it, so I’ve only read one story, the first, called This Year's Class Picture. This is pretty damned twisted and sad. An elderly elementary school teacher has been collecting child-zombies in order to teach them in her classroom. She offers them rewards for “participation.” I’m never eating anything in nugget form again.
Rhonda Lee's Return of the Horny Dead (Eternal Press)
I sincerely hope I don’t offend the author because I don’t mean to, but this story is about as campy as it comes, and that’s why I love it. Ever since Barker’s Haeckel’s Tale and its Masters of Horror counterpart I’m desensitized to zombie sex. In fact I’ve developed a sick fascination with it. This story is like Debbie does the Undead. It’s just freaking fun to read. The heroine discovers the door to her garage ripped off (which, to be honest, was kind of creepy) and a pasty, buff naked guy on the other side. Naturally she takes him inside and in spite of his escaped-mental-patient vibe gets a little freaky with him. But oh noes! He’s a zombie! When I got to the end I kept thinking of how fun it would be if this continued into a hilarious full length hot-chick-and-her-zombie-boyfriend-on-th
*snicker*
Seriously, it is. All day I've been reading Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side and squinting at my Blackberry browser to get a better look at the cover and blurb for Bites of Passion (now on sale!) in which you can now read my short story, "What Wind is to Fire."Not only am I pleased to be included in an anthology edited by Cecilia Tan, founder of Circlet Press (publishers of Nancy Kilpatrick's erotic adaptation of Dracula, Frankenstein, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) and a fantastic author in her own right, but this story was the one that gave me grief for months before it got out of my head. I had a fairly simple premise born out of my obsession with Matthew Gregory Lewis's The Monk versus Ann Radcliffe's rebuttal piece, The Italian, but nothing was going to crack that nut until it hit me the second I read the call for this anthology.
The premise is as follows: An author whose writings are so foul that he's been exiled under the threat of arrest calls upon his estranged wife, who is daughter of his chief rival in the publishing arena. Belinda thinks she knows what to expect when she is reunited with her husband, but Dominic has a surprise in store for her.
I've never written a paranormal story before (unless you count Greencoat) and to be honest I never even considered writing about a vampire, so this is a pretty sweet accomplishment for me. I might give it another shot down the road.
Right now I'm enjoying the other stories in the anthology. If the first one, "La Petite Mort" by Jessi Holhart is any indication, it's a great anthology.
Buy Bites of Passion in e-book format.
Speaking of releases, Oysters & Chocolate released their first anthology. Congrats to Samantha, Jordan and all the contributors.
This is the post in which the reader and writer in me, who rarely ever meet and, to be completely honest, kind of loathe one another, join forces for a rant. The topic: erotica versus romance.
I've spent the better part of the day fuming over a blog post I had the misfortune of reading this morning. Overall my opinion of this blogger hasn't been favorable. I find her attitude to be very "I'm right and you're wrong" and while others of her ilk will acknowledge that everyone has a right to their opinion and theirs is just one, the attitude I get from this particular blogger is that a differing opinion is OK as long as it doesn't conflict with hers because, you know, she's right and you're wrong. The only reason I follow her blog at all is because she does manage to scoop insider info about the publishing biz but when it comes to her reviews, let's just say I've been tempted to print them up and wipe my arse with them.
Normally I roll my eyes and mark the post as read but she really pissed me off today. In a post related to a publisher I frequently enjoy (and have had some dealings with as a writer), she decided that one of her main points should be the difference between romance and erotica.
Ah, this crap again, eh? This has been the source of constant frustration for myself as a reader and someone who has published primarily in the erotica market and will continue to do so, but the blogger has pretty much laid out for me the reason I was reluctant to submit to a publisher that is billed as romance: this is a genre that prides itself on testing the limits but don't ever paint it as the same brush as erotica.
Erotica and romance puts me in mind of a joke about Toronto and Montreal. "One is an accountant and another is a chain smoking, womanizing alcoholic." Well, this is how I view romance and erotica. Overall popular romance is quite vanilla. There have been a few exceptions to this rule—Elizabeth Hoyt continues to thrill me with her depictions of love scenes so realistic they blow the competition out of the water (the hand-job scene in The Serpent Prince springs to mind.) When I find a romance author I like I stick with him or her, but trying to get through one that sticks to the formula book after book tends to eat away at my brain. Erotica is romance’s whips & chains cousin in which the romance allegedly should be kept to a minimum and plot sometimes isn’t up there on the list of priorities, which (one big name print publisher has a tendency to release erotic novels with a huge build-up and a lousy deux ex machina ending.) Romance readers and writers don’t want to be accused of reading smut, and erotica readers and writers don’t want to be accused of writing bodice rippers. Neither side seems to have any idea what in the hell they’re talking about when it comes to the other and there is no middle ground.
E-publishing has gone a long way to remedy this. If it's online then I'm a little more confident that I'm not about to flush my cash down the toilet. For one, I can usually count on a freebie story or two to tell me whether this author is my style, and I can assure you that my style isn't usually the norm: I like horror with my romance as opposed to paranormal and I'm averse to gay romances written by women (I’m a purist: unless you throw in a vagina I’ll take my gay romance from a gay man, thank you very much.) I don’t mind a little taboo as long as it’s sexy and not creepy. Also, for a lower price I can get shorter works one piece at a time instead of having to shell out for an anthology to get one novella or short story. Sometimes the publisher bills itself as romance.; other times it's erotica, but there’s very little difference between the two styles of writing and yet the line is constantly drawn by the queen bees of the romance and erotica worlds.
In this day and age the genre can be a confusing thing. I recently dropped into the horror section for my blood and gore fix and it was a painful experience. 80% of the stock was (romantic) urban fantasy and paranormal romance, shelved right next to Clive Barker, Stephen King and Richard Laymon. A trip to the fantasy section yielded similar results—the same ass-kicking heroines from the horror section building up sexual tension with their non-human love interests while saving the world. Romance section—you betcha, more of the same. I’m not even remotely exaggerating—Kelley Armstrong is shelved in four separate sections of the store. Same types of novels, FOUR SECTIONS. And for some strange reason, Coleen Gleason is still stuck in romance even though in her first book she pretty much killed the romance (sorry for spoiling you, but she did.)
Romance is marrying other genres all the time and there is much rejoicing because it's perceived as some symbol of credibility for the genre, but when erotica shows up and wants a good hard screw there is a segment of the romance population that doesn’t want to play anymore. According to the blogger in question even chick-lit isn’t invited. No, that’s not romance either. (I’m going to have to send this blogger some cookies for educating me on what type of books I’m NOT reading.)
The erotica industry isn’t getting a pass, either. I've seen some giants in the erotica community torn a new one because their romances don't fit the standard formula and at the same time if they publish under the erotica banner there's always some asshole that comes along and tells them their work is too romantic and reads more like a bodice ripper (a very filthy bodice ripper involving anal sex and money-shots, mind you.) What's an author to do? It's no wonder there are so many author-run small presses popping up out there. Ranks are so closed to writers who don't fit into either category, and I think that both communities need a wake-up call.
Certain publishers, on the other hand, don’t need a wake-up call. There is one giant in the e-publishing industry that has sneaked in the back door, billed itself as romance, and from day one has been churning out page after page of dirty, sweaty, reaching-for-the-vibe erotica masquerading as romance. They have built a fucking empire. Established (romantic) erotica writers looking to branch out now have a home at this e-publisher and no one seems to be the wiser, least of all our blogger who seems to be of the opinion that our giant is producing strictly romance and would balk at my suggestion to the contrary. Don’t believe me?—take a good look at the previous works of some of your favorite e-authors and see what you find. I’ll bet at some point she wrote something utterly filthy. Neither the “real” romance or “real” erotica communities seem to have clued in to this charade just yet, and at the same time they’re turning a spotlight on all the up and coming e-publishers trying the same and snarling at any deviation from the standard. “I don’t read that,” they all say and warn everyone against the merging of romance and erotica, and the savvier publishers (and their authors) laugh all the way to the bank. Good for them.
Romantica. Erotic romance. Romantic erotica. Is there a handbook I can buy? As a writer I’d be much obliged. As a reader, I’d like it if both sides could just cut the crap already, shake hands, and play nice. I’m tired of watching my favorite e-publishers fold because someone out there has decided that it’s unacceptable that that one could possibly have anal sex with someone they love, even if they are both consenting adults, and tanked any hope of the publisher getting off the ground with bad and usually misguided word-of-mouth.
I've spent the better part of the day fuming over a blog post I had the misfortune of reading this morning. Overall my opinion of this blogger hasn't been favorable. I find her attitude to be very "I'm right and you're wrong" and while others of her ilk will acknowledge that everyone has a right to their opinion and theirs is just one, the attitude I get from this particular blogger is that a differing opinion is OK as long as it doesn't conflict with hers because, you know, she's right and you're wrong. The only reason I follow her blog at all is because she does manage to scoop insider info about the publishing biz but when it comes to her reviews, let's just say I've been tempted to print them up and wipe my arse with them.
Normally I roll my eyes and mark the post as read but she really pissed me off today. In a post related to a publisher I frequently enjoy (and have had some dealings with as a writer), she decided that one of her main points should be the difference between romance and erotica.
Ah, this crap again, eh? This has been the source of constant frustration for myself as a reader and someone who has published primarily in the erotica market and will continue to do so, but the blogger has pretty much laid out for me the reason I was reluctant to submit to a publisher that is billed as romance: this is a genre that prides itself on testing the limits but don't ever paint it as the same brush as erotica.
Erotica and romance puts me in mind of a joke about Toronto and Montreal. "One is an accountant and another is a chain smoking, womanizing alcoholic." Well, this is how I view romance and erotica. Overall popular romance is quite vanilla. There have been a few exceptions to this rule—Elizabeth Hoyt continues to thrill me with her depictions of love scenes so realistic they blow the competition out of the water (the hand-job scene in The Serpent Prince springs to mind.) When I find a romance author I like I stick with him or her, but trying to get through one that sticks to the formula book after book tends to eat away at my brain. Erotica is romance’s whips & chains cousin in which the romance allegedly should be kept to a minimum and plot sometimes isn’t up there on the list of priorities, which (one big name print publisher has a tendency to release erotic novels with a huge build-up and a lousy deux ex machina ending.) Romance readers and writers don’t want to be accused of reading smut, and erotica readers and writers don’t want to be accused of writing bodice rippers. Neither side seems to have any idea what in the hell they’re talking about when it comes to the other and there is no middle ground.
E-publishing has gone a long way to remedy this. If it's online then I'm a little more confident that I'm not about to flush my cash down the toilet. For one, I can usually count on a freebie story or two to tell me whether this author is my style, and I can assure you that my style isn't usually the norm: I like horror with my romance as opposed to paranormal and I'm averse to gay romances written by women (I’m a purist: unless you throw in a vagina I’ll take my gay romance from a gay man, thank you very much.) I don’t mind a little taboo as long as it’s sexy and not creepy. Also, for a lower price I can get shorter works one piece at a time instead of having to shell out for an anthology to get one novella or short story. Sometimes the publisher bills itself as romance.; other times it's erotica, but there’s very little difference between the two styles of writing and yet the line is constantly drawn by the queen bees of the romance and erotica worlds.
In this day and age the genre can be a confusing thing. I recently dropped into the horror section for my blood and gore fix and it was a painful experience. 80% of the stock was (romantic) urban fantasy and paranormal romance, shelved right next to Clive Barker, Stephen King and Richard Laymon. A trip to the fantasy section yielded similar results—the same ass-kicking heroines from the horror section building up sexual tension with their non-human love interests while saving the world. Romance section—you betcha, more of the same. I’m not even remotely exaggerating—Kelley Armstrong is shelved in four separate sections of the store. Same types of novels, FOUR SECTIONS. And for some strange reason, Coleen Gleason is still stuck in romance even though in her first book she pretty much killed the romance (sorry for spoiling you, but she did.)
Romance is marrying other genres all the time and there is much rejoicing because it's perceived as some symbol of credibility for the genre, but when erotica shows up and wants a good hard screw there is a segment of the romance population that doesn’t want to play anymore. According to the blogger in question even chick-lit isn’t invited. No, that’s not romance either. (I’m going to have to send this blogger some cookies for educating me on what type of books I’m NOT reading.)
The erotica industry isn’t getting a pass, either. I've seen some giants in the erotica community torn a new one because their romances don't fit the standard formula and at the same time if they publish under the erotica banner there's always some asshole that comes along and tells them their work is too romantic and reads more like a bodice ripper (a very filthy bodice ripper involving anal sex and money-shots, mind you.) What's an author to do? It's no wonder there are so many author-run small presses popping up out there. Ranks are so closed to writers who don't fit into either category, and I think that both communities need a wake-up call.
Certain publishers, on the other hand, don’t need a wake-up call. There is one giant in the e-publishing industry that has sneaked in the back door, billed itself as romance, and from day one has been churning out page after page of dirty, sweaty, reaching-for-the-vibe erotica masquerading as romance. They have built a fucking empire. Established (romantic) erotica writers looking to branch out now have a home at this e-publisher and no one seems to be the wiser, least of all our blogger who seems to be of the opinion that our giant is producing strictly romance and would balk at my suggestion to the contrary. Don’t believe me?—take a good look at the previous works of some of your favorite e-authors and see what you find. I’ll bet at some point she wrote something utterly filthy. Neither the “real” romance or “real” erotica communities seem to have clued in to this charade just yet, and at the same time they’re turning a spotlight on all the up and coming e-publishers trying the same and snarling at any deviation from the standard. “I don’t read that,” they all say and warn everyone against the merging of romance and erotica, and the savvier publishers (and their authors) laugh all the way to the bank. Good for them.
Romantica. Erotic romance. Romantic erotica. Is there a handbook I can buy? As a writer I’d be much obliged. As a reader, I’d like it if both sides could just cut the crap already, shake hands, and play nice. I’m tired of watching my favorite e-publishers fold because someone out there has decided that it’s unacceptable that that one could possibly have anal sex with someone they love, even if they are both consenting adults, and tanked any hope of the publisher getting off the ground with bad and usually misguided word-of-mouth.
Last night I had the not-so-pleasant experience of facing an evacuation due to a forest fire out of control. The fire came within 150 meters of the house and by two in the morning the police had warned us that we might have to get out soon, and fast. Immediately I went back into the house and filled a gym bag with clothes and toiletries, the laptop bag, and then I started looking around at the stuff I didn’t need but would miss terribly. Eventually I turned to my books. How do I possibly choose a few amongst the hundreds that I’ve enjoyed repeatedly? I snagged the LJ Smith's Night World series, which I was in the middle of, the YA vampire rom-com that I’d picked up this week.
And then I decided I would take one book from the shelf of honour. After about a second’s hesitation, I made my choice: Father Frank, by Paul Burke. I knew that if I didn’t take it I’d go through hell trying to get another copy.
***
About a year ago I was browsing around zellers at their cheap book table. They had mostly big names in various genres, romance, espionage, mysteries and the like, but what ultimately caught my eyes was a cute little purple cover with the mouthful of a title The Man Who Fell in Love with His Wife. It was about a former priest who was now married and expecting his first child. I was pretty wary: years ago such finds ultimately turned out to be inspirational feel goods that I couldn't relate to (the only exception ever was Joan Brady's Heaven in High Gear). But for the price I figured I'd give it a shot, and it was one of those rare occasions in which I began reading it immediately. I got midway through the first chapter before it became clear that I was missing something. A quick glance at the author bio told me that I was reading a sequel.
Crap. I hate it when that happens, and it happens often. The bargain section of the local big box is loaded with series books and trying to start at the beginning is always fun, since half the time the first book is out of print (Chelsea Quinn Yarbro’s vampire series, for example) and I just give up the hunt. However, I had liked Burke's style of writing and the synopsis on Fantastic Fiction sounded a lot like the type of story I would gush over. Plus, to be a total review whore, Stephen Fry gave it kudos, and who doesn't love Stephen Fry? He wouldn't tell me to read some preachy evangelical bullshit, would he? In the end eBay came to the rescue and I had a copy of Father Frank en route from a bookseller in Ireland for a reasonable price.
God bless the Irish.
Completely worth the trouble. Father Frank and its author, Paul Burke, are delightful finds I should have found under Buy Me Now! bestsellers. I immediately developed a raging crush on Frank Dempsey, who goes from s shiftless boy to an ambitious priest who incidentally doesn't believe in God. His journey to find his purpose in life is charming as hell with comedic interludes involving the use of personal lubricant as hair gel and the quest to eat a candy bar while taking confession.
It's a romantic comedy but differs in the sense that it's Frank's story and not that of his love interest, Sarah. Sure, she’s the charming single Brit girl in the vein of so many single Brit girls, but everything else belongs to Frank. He’s loveable, awkward in his role as the middle-aged priest who experiences a mid-life crisis like so many single, available men. The relationship he fosters with Sarah is sweet, a friendship developing from just enjoying one another’s company. Sure, there is a physical attraction, but it doesn’t dominate the story one bit. It’s all about trying desperately to find reasons to see one another but stuck in the reality that Frank is a priest and therefore unattainable. Their courtship is a series of “chance meetings” that left me laughing out loud the whole time I was reading it.
***
So I got an answer to that, “If you had to leave all your other books behind, which one would you take?” question I had always mulled over at length. Which book do I love more than all the others? As it turns out, to my surprise, it’s Father Frank.
And then I decided I would take one book from the shelf of honour. After about a second’s hesitation, I made my choice: Father Frank, by Paul Burke. I knew that if I didn’t take it I’d go through hell trying to get another copy.
***
About a year ago I was browsing around zellers at their cheap book table. They had mostly big names in various genres, romance, espionage, mysteries and the like, but what ultimately caught my eyes was a cute little purple cover with the mouthful of a title The Man Who Fell in Love with His Wife. It was about a former priest who was now married and expecting his first child. I was pretty wary: years ago such finds ultimately turned out to be inspirational feel goods that I couldn't relate to (the only exception ever was Joan Brady's Heaven in High Gear). But for the price I figured I'd give it a shot, and it was one of those rare occasions in which I began reading it immediately. I got midway through the first chapter before it became clear that I was missing something. A quick glance at the author bio told me that I was reading a sequel.
Crap. I hate it when that happens, and it happens often. The bargain section of the local big box is loaded with series books and trying to start at the beginning is always fun, since half the time the first book is out of print (Chelsea Quinn Yarbro’s vampire series, for example) and I just give up the hunt. However, I had liked Burke's style of writing and the synopsis on Fantastic Fiction sounded a lot like the type of story I would gush over. Plus, to be a total review whore, Stephen Fry gave it kudos, and who doesn't love Stephen Fry? He wouldn't tell me to read some preachy evangelical bullshit, would he? In the end eBay came to the rescue and I had a copy of Father Frank en route from a bookseller in Ireland for a reasonable price.
God bless the Irish.
Completely worth the trouble. Father Frank and its author, Paul Burke, are delightful finds I should have found under Buy Me Now! bestsellers. I immediately developed a raging crush on Frank Dempsey, who goes from s shiftless boy to an ambitious priest who incidentally doesn't believe in God. His journey to find his purpose in life is charming as hell with comedic interludes involving the use of personal lubricant as hair gel and the quest to eat a candy bar while taking confession.It's a romantic comedy but differs in the sense that it's Frank's story and not that of his love interest, Sarah. Sure, she’s the charming single Brit girl in the vein of so many single Brit girls, but everything else belongs to Frank. He’s loveable, awkward in his role as the middle-aged priest who experiences a mid-life crisis like so many single, available men. The relationship he fosters with Sarah is sweet, a friendship developing from just enjoying one another’s company. Sure, there is a physical attraction, but it doesn’t dominate the story one bit. It’s all about trying desperately to find reasons to see one another but stuck in the reality that Frank is a priest and therefore unattainable. Their courtship is a series of “chance meetings” that left me laughing out loud the whole time I was reading it.
***
So I got an answer to that, “If you had to leave all your other books behind, which one would you take?” question I had always mulled over at length. Which book do I love more than all the others? As it turns out, to my surprise, it’s Father Frank.
My fangirling reaches its pinnacle this lovely Sunday afternoon with a guest post at vampire-diaries.net. The topic is (not surprisingly) on the upcoming television series and the choice of Ian Somerhalder as Damon Whitmore (nee Salvatore).
Ian Somerhalder had better be concentrated awesomesauce as Damon.
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